family reconciliation

We all know the statistics. Marriage is hard and many end up in divorce. Raising a healthy family with one or more children and growing those relationships is even harder. The most important question is, Why is it so hard? The statistics are not that much better when it comes to Chrsitian marriages. Shouldn't a marriage that is rooted and grounded in Christ be so much stronger than one that is not?

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The truth is that most people come into marriage with ten thousand pounds of pain strapped to their back and no positive example to look to. Instead of emptying their bag of pain they just keep adding to it. They have unconquered fear that is either paralyzing them, or is being used as a weapon to control and manipulate the people around them. They may have never developed a godly friendship with each other and have based the entire marriage relationship on infatuation. What does a married couple do when they run into problems and do not have at lease one trusted mentor they can turn to? What if the only solution they have ever seen work to deal with marital problems is to get divorced? 

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Communication and trust is key to any healthy relationship. But what if the husband or the wife have never trusted anyone before? If the wife has never been able to trust a man because she has been hurt so much by other men in her life, or if the husband has never been able to trust a woman it is almost guaranteed they will not trust each other.  We find many times that people do not even understand the definition of trust because they have never experienced it. When couples do not trust each other emotionally, physically, verbally, or financially it is very difficult for them to successfully partner and do life together.

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Many times, people enter into marriage and, as much as they do not want to, end up treating each other the same way they saw their parents treat each other. Expectations get created by one or the other but not always communicated to the other person which creates communication failures that can happen daily. These failures in turn create emotional hurt, isolation, bitterness, resentment, and anger. And as these negative emotions get carried over from day to day, the emotional wall between the husband and wife gets higher and higher. And when isolation sets in, so does despair, depression and loneliness. What comes next is very simple to predict. A person's mind can only handle so much on their own before they seek to escape. Some escapes are healthy like running or working out, and some are destructive like pornography, gambling, alcohol, drugs, promiscuous sex, or other addictive behaviors.

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And when abusive behavior is added in to the relationship, fear, hurt, and emotional pain will increase at exponential levels. When children are added to the family, the hurtful actions between the husband and wife are passed on to the next generation, and the marital problems continue to grow.

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The Solution

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Bold and Free offers mulit-stage family reconciliation plans designed for families who are struggling in their marriage, with their children, or both. We have plans designed for couples who are hurting but not yet considering separation, close to separation, are currently separated, in the process of divorce, or who are divorced but would like to be able to successfully co-parent together. Our goal is to partner with local Christian churches and other Christian organizations or counselors who can provide the love, care, encouragement, accountability, and guidance as they utilize our plan to help reconcile and restore families. We have seen families restored in such miraculous ways that, even in the eyes of their own own extended families, should not have been possible. We have seen people overcome the most destructive behaviors including adultery, emotional/physical abuse, and other addictions.  We have seen families overcome years of hurt and seen relationships restored to something better than they had ever experienced or thought possible. The common denominator in all of the victories was simply having two obedient hearts committed to God, not willing to give up, and willing to submit to the plan and people that God had brought into their lives. Without a doubt, we understand that this process will be the most difficult thing that some people have ever been through. We also understand some people refuse to accept God's love for them, refuse to forgive, refuse to repent, refuse to surrender their life to God and choose to turn their back on God. When one person in a marriage chooses this path, the marriage cannot be successful until that person repents and turns back to God. And in many cases some people choose to not turn back until they have lost something they can't get back. But God is the great redeemer and he will take us back at any point during our lifetime when we choose to surrender our lives to Him.