creating a new legacy of love
We all know the statistics. Marriage is hard and many end up in divorce. Raising a healthy family with one or more children and growing those relationships is even harder. The most important question is, Why is it so hard? The statistics are not that much better when it comes to Chrsitian marriages. Shouldn't a marriage that is rooted and grounded in Christ be so much stronger than one that is not?
The truth is that most people come into marriage with ten thousand pounds of pain strapped to their back and no positive example to look to. Instead of emptying their bag of pain they just keep adding to it. They have unconquered fear that is either paralyzing them, or is being used as a weapon to control and manipulate the people around them. They may have never developed a godly friendship with each other and have based the entire marriage relationship on infatuation. What does a married couple do when they run into problems and do not have at lease one trusted mentor they can turn to? What if the only solution they have ever seen work to deal with marital problems is to get divorced?
Communication and trust is key to any healthy relationship. But what if the husband or the wife have never trusted anyone before? If the wife has never been able to trust a man because she has been hurt so much by other men in her life, or if the husband has never been able to trust a woman it is almost guaranteed they will not trust each other. We find many times that people do not even understand the definition of trust because they have never experienced it. When couples do not trust each other emotionally, physically, verbally, or financially it is very difficult for them to successfully partner and do life together.
Many times, people enter into marriage and, as much as they do not want to, end up treating each other the same way they saw their parents treat each other. Expectations get created by one or the other but not always communicated to the other person which creates communication failures that can happen daily. These failures in turn create emotional hurt, isolation, bitterness, resentment, and anger. And as these negative emotions get carried over from day to day, the emotional wall between the husband and wife gets higher and higher. And when isolation sets in, so does despair, depression and loneliness. What comes next is very simple to predict. A person's mind can only handle so much on their own before they seek to escape. Some escapes are healthy like running or working out, and some are destructive like pornography, gambling, alcohol, drugs, promiscuous sex, or other addictive behaviors.
And when abusive behavior is added in to the relationship, fear, hurt, and emotional pain will increase at exponential levels. When children are added to the family, the hurtful actions between the husband and wife are passed on to the next generation, and the marital problems continue to grow.
Bold and Free offers mulit-stage family reconciliation plans designed for families who are struggling in their marriage, with their children, or both. We have plans designed for couples who are hurting but not yet considering separation, close to separation, are currently separated, in the process of divorce, or who are divorced but would like to be able to successfully co-parent together. Our goal is to partner with local Christian churches and other Christian organizations or counselors who can provide the love, care, encouragement, accountability, and guidance as they utilize our plan to help reconcile and restore families. We have seen families restored in such miraculous ways that, even in the eyes of their own own extended families, should not have been possible. We have seen people overcome the most destructive behaviors including adultery, emotional/physical abuse, and other addictions. We have seen families overcome years of hurt and seen relationships restored to something better than they had ever experienced or thought possible. The common denominator in all of the victories was simply having two obedient hearts committed to God, not willing to give up, and willing to submit to the plan and people that God had brought into their lives. Without a doubt, we understand that this process will be the most difficult thing that some people have ever been through. We also understand some people refuse to accept God's love for them, refuse to forgive, refuse to repent, refuse to surrender their life to God and choose to turn their back on God. When one person in a marriage chooses this path, the marriage cannot be successful until that person repents and turns back to God. And in many cases some people choose to not turn back until they have lost something they can't get back. But God is the great redeemer and he will take us back at any point during our lifetime when we choose to surrender our lives to Him.
Strong Individual Relationships With Jesus Christ
Without a strong and committed relationship to God through His Son, Jesus Christ, it is impossible to have the kind of relationships with each other that God has designed us to have. For those who don't know Christ as their Lord and Savior we simply share the Gospel. For those who do know him, we challenge them to grow in their relationship with Him.
Commitment to Discipleship
Both the husband and wife will need to commit to a life of discipleship and training. At first, they will be students who are learning but soon turning into teachers as they share what they are applying. Learning to submit to the teaching, admonishment, encouragement and example of a trusted brother or sister in Christ is crucial to finding the abundant life God has prepared for them
Relationships Built on Godly Love & Trust
Love, trust, safety, and mutual submission will be at the heart of the relationship between the husband and wife as they learn how to behave in a totally different way towards each other and their children. Servant leadership, sacrificial love, loving communication, building trust, and growing closer to each other every day.
Safe & Nurturing Environment For Children
Parenting together, like-minded, and focused on teaching and providing positive, edifying discipline to help their children to become great men and women of God by setting an example for them to follow. Eliminating hypocrisy. Honest with their children and able to use their own past mistakes as a teaching aid to help their children learn what not to do. Showing them how to overcome fear and demonstrating many of the things they have learned themselves.
3 stages - For those who are living separated)
Stage 1 - Spiritual Cleanse
Stage 1 starts with providing a safe environment for all family members both emotionally and physically. We then deal with any issues, such as finances, that may become obstacles to our continued progress. Then we show the husband, wife and children how to empty themselves of the bitterness, resentment, anger, and pain of past hurts done by them and to them. We show them how to reconcile the hurts done to each other and then learn how to speak life giving words of love to each other meant to build up and edify each other. Homework and challenges are given and the needs of each individual family member are addressed. Weekly discipleship and pastoral oversight is provided.
Stage 2 - Learning to Love and Trust
Stage 2 builds on stage 1 as the husband, wife, and children discover the true meaning of trust and learn how to build it as they continue to practice reconciliation with each other. New habits and skills are introduced and developed. Weekly discipleship and pastoral oversight is provided.
Stage 3 - Practice and Grow
Stage 3 continues to bulid on stage 1 and 2 as they intentionally spend more time with each other and practice the things they have learned. This is a critical stage and involves the entire family. Accountability is key as all of them are held accountable to continue growing and loving each other. Immediate discipleship support is provided at this stage as issues arise and when help is needed to reconcile any issues that may come up that the husband and wife can reconcile on their own.
our partnership approach
Our goal is to partner with Christian churches, biblical counselors, and Christian psychologists who would like to provide a Christ-centered and biblical approach to helping families reconcile and become restored. We provide the training, the ongoing support, supporting documentation, and tools as well as access to a network of families that can be used to provide inspiration, testimonials, and encouragement. We also provide access on a limited basis to our own licensed pastors who have extensive experience in this area to help support the disciplers and pastors who are executing the reconciliation plans with the people they are serving. If you are interested in finding out more about our discipleship experiences please contact us to see if any of our offerings are a good fit for your organization. If you are a family in need please contact us so we can help you get connected with a church or other Christian counselor or organization who can help you start your family's journey to freedom.
Giving God the Glory